Ponzolympics
This tube is about the main Ponzolympic competition, which is open to elite, professional Ponzi Practicioners. For the less-publicised competition open to swindlers from the general public, see Special Ponzolympics. Open to major international Ponzi-schemers, the Ponzolympics are historically held every 6-12 years, depending on global recessional trends. The city where they are held varies; the 1920 Ponzolympics were held in Boston, the 1976 Ponzolympics in various small towns across the USA, and the 2008 Ponzolympics were held in Manhattan. Due to high motivation among the financial community to become Ponzolympic Competitors, in 2009, the Ponzolympics are to be held in Las Vegas, Nevada. As usual, the Ponzi Whales will gather in Reno. The convenience of holding the '09 Ponzolympics in Las Vegas is that the bettors will be much closer to their bookies. Events Events vary between Ponzolympics, depending on market conditions. Included in the 2008 Ponzolympics were as follows. Track and Field Events 400 meter Tax-Fraud Relay Teams of four corporate accountants compete to see who can pass the buck fastest. 100 and 500 meter Regulatory Hurdles A fairly self-explanatory event in two distances, in which competitors attempt to clear the hurdles as fast as they can, without being tripped up by new legislation. Enron Accounting Practices Pentathlon The EAP Pentathlon consists of five events designed to challenge the scruples and financial prowess of the competitors. 1. Subprime and Near-Subprime Mortgage High-Jump Competitors attempt to lend the highest amount of money to the riskiest of borrowers while jumping over the risk. 2. Commercial Real-Estate, Municipal, State, and Federal Triple Jump The jump is accomplished by hopping over Municipal bylaws, skipping State regulations, and jumping over Federal Criminal law. 3. Toxic Student, Corporate, and Car Loan Long Jump The jump is accomplished by ignoring the largest amounts of risk. It's also sometimes called the Fraud Jump. 4. Bond Issues Shot Put Competitors see how far they can heave a weighty bond. Prizes are given for both finesse and distance. 5. Collateralized Debt Discus In this event, the competitor spins the debt in circles as many times as he can, before releasing the liability and culpability as far as he can into the field of play. There is also a Deregulation Decathlon open to Federal employees only. Road Events Recessional Cycling This event has never actually been properly contested, as it is always carried forward to "some other day." 2, 5, and 10 Year Ponzi Marathons, for certified Ponzi Competitors only. Points are given for the longest-enduring schemes. Pool Events Synchronized Swindling A team event, with points given for the gracefullness and timing of the schemes. * Subordinate Diving ::Points are awarded based on how many subordinates take the dive for you, and how many years they do for it. Ice Events * Stock Market Luge ::Points are given on the speed of the drop, as well as for finesse on the course. * Capital Punishment Curling ::The team with the lowest points stays out of jail. Frozen debt is thrown. Awards Three main awards are granted at the Ponzolympics. * 2 kg Gold Bars are given to the top competitor in any event. * Sterling Tiaras set with Emeralds are given to second-place competitors. * Authentic-Looking Bonds are the third-place prize. Rules The IPC has given up on trying to enforce rules during the Ponzolympics, due in part to the temprament, skill, and capacity of the competitors, and to the nature of the events. There are certain "Rules of Thumb," which are not normally followed either. Bribery, Assassination, Forgery, and Fraud made all rules obsolete in 1923. Thus it is interesting to note that there has only been one Ponzolympian to have won competitions both under rules and unfettered by them - Charles Ponzi.